What does your daddy do?

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their
fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up –
fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.

But little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear.

Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and make love with him for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," the boy said. "He works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to secure the nomination of Hilary Clinton, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

Easter is cancelled

I know this is old, but I still love it.

 

New law firm

So true…

Thursday’s Funny

Got this one from the Grouchy Old Cripple

Wednesday’s funny

Got this one sent to me by my Dad.

Man comes into a restaurant with an ostrich and says, “A

hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”

“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich. A short time later the
waitress returns with the order. “That will be $9.40 please,” and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, “A hamburger, fries, and a coke.” The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”
“No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad,” says the man. “Same,” says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be
$32.62.” Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.
“Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every tim?”

“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the
attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”

That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would wish
for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce,
the exact money is always there,” says the man.

The waitress asks, “But, sir, what’s with the ostrich?”

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.”

Putting things in perspective

With the right perspective, almost anything can be understood as it really is. It’s just a matter of finding the right perspective.

Take this list of what it takes to be a liberal….

18 WAYS TO BE A GOOD LIBERAL

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical changes in the earth’s climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV’s.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can’t teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

9. You have to believe that hunters don’t care about nature, but PETA activists do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make “The Passion of the Christ” for financial gain only.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.  (I had to google the first two names. The last three I’d be amazed if any American did NOT know.)

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn’t worked anywhere it’s been tried is because the right people haven’t been in charge.

17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens and transvestites should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

18. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.

Perspective. Quod erat demonstratum.

When taken as a whole like this, liberalism seems fairly stupid on it’s face. The task of liberals then, is to constantly dissect it down to where each of these 18 standard points of liberalism is broken down into several indistinct parts, so that if the liberal brings up a sliver of liberalism, and gets roundly defeated, the whole of liberalism is not then brought into doubt.

Keep this list. It stands as solid proof that the sum equals it’s parts, and the equation can of course, always be stated backwards, so the parts equal the sum.

Liberalism is irrational.

You’ve been taught, now YOU are the master. Go forth and teach others.

How I end my day at work

This is the song that is how I end every day at work. CLICK HERE

24

Here is a great post from another blogger!

Another good one

Three Rednecks were working on a tall TV tower- Catfish, Hoss and Bubba. Catfish fell off and was killed instantly. As the ambulance took the body away, Hoss says,
“Someone should go and tell his wife.”
Bubba says, “OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.”
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser. Hoss says, “Where did you get that, Bubba?”
“Catfish’s wife gave it to me,” Bubba replies.
“That’s unbelievable. You told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?”
Well, not exactly”, Bubba says.
“When she answered the door, I said to her, ‘You must be Catfish’s widow?.”
She said, “No, I’m not a widow.”
And I said, “I’ll bet you a case of Budweiser you are”.

Ain’t this the truth

I was in a department store the other day and I walked up to a young and lovely woman and said, “I’ve lost my wife in here somewhere. Can you talk to me a couple of minutes?”
The woman looks puzzled. “Why talk to me?”, she asks.
” Because every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere.”